Eastern Europe Epilogue
Wednesday July 27, 2005
Home.
Wednesday July 27, 2005 (not really, I have let the days get away from me)
It has been 12 days (or so) since my last journal entry. In some ways I am glad I am home and some ways I wish I wasn't. Call me Goldilocks! :-)
The practicalities:
This trip was way more expensive than I had ever imagined it would be. I am glad, though, for what I did and it has made me realize so many things about myself.
1. I like to spend money. :-) I am a high maintenance traveler. Damn.
2. I can't travel by myself, I get too lonely. I hated the commutation block and being alone and adrift in the sea of humanity with nothing to cling to for support. It is hard going alone by myself. I will have to figure something out about that or perhaps given time I will accustom myself to it.
3. I am sure I will travel again. If I had a $100,000 dollars I would leave right now and spend the next two years cycling around the world whether I get lonely or not.
4. I totally suck at logistics. Let's face it. Misplacing my passport and 250 Euros was an expensive proposition to live through and just assuming that I would happen upon a restaurant for food whenever I needed one was just plain stupid. I should have packed more food. In my defense, I always heard about how densely packed Europe was, especially compared to Alaska. In Alaska I would have never left without food, the next city is hundreds of miles away with nothing in between. I just blithely assumed that in Europe it was completely the opposite. Oh, to avoid bonking!
5. I found out I truly love to write. It was one of the most pleasurable things on my trip. When I travel again I will keep bringing my laptop. The joy it brought me was totally worth every pound.
6. Teaching myself how to do my own web page and designing my own graphics for the site has made me realize what I would like to do with my future. I want to become a graphic designer. See the trip was good for more than just fun times and good food! :-)
7. I had money set aside to cushion me back into suburbia. Fortunately, I got a job within ten days of getting back in Anchorage Alaska. Nice for me maybe I can use that money for continuing education. Rather I should say some left over open debt.
8. If you are thinking about traveling, just do it!
9. I am joyously happy I listened to everybody's advice and did not sell my house! Everyone needs something to come back to.
10. I miss the two hour European lunches. I miss sleeping in when I want. I miss cycling the day away and the full activity of a life well lived. Now I just let the days pile up and go by escaping into books to avoid the rat maze of suburban life. Once I switch professions it will be better.
11. Never fly Delta!
12. If you are thinking about traveling, JUST DO IT!
13. Don't loose your passport!
14. Apparently I really love dangling prepositions. :)
My goals were the following:
1. To improve the quality of my health by losing weight and/or just being healthier over all.
Answer: I was quite happy to know that everything in my closet was very loose on me when I came back, whereas when I left I was just growing out of that size. Did the scale change? No, but I have really awesome leg muscles.
2. To indulge my ever present love of travel and my genuine interest in other cultures
Answer: Yes, yes, yes! Did I mention yes! :-)
3. To have fun.
Answer: There were good times and bad times. In this area I have to admit that I believe my brain chemistry tends to lean to the pessimist side no matter what I try. What can I say, I'm just a wallflower, but I have to say I will have the most amazing scrapbook.
Journey's Highlights: Krakow Poland. It is synonymous with Paris in my mind now. So very beautiful! Eger Germany. Go to the baths, bring a book, pack a picnic and have a really nice day.
Journey's Thumbs Up: Maryet and Hans' B&B in Haarlem 15 minutes outside of Amsterdam was the best. They really helped me out when I lost my passport and showed up distraught on their doorstep.
Journey's Thumbs Down: The barfly that was looking for easy pickings and tried to get into my hotel room. What was really scary was I would have thrown myself out of the window in my blind panic to not get raped. It was a two story drop. Till this day I don't know what was more scary, realizing that my knee jerk panic reaction would have gotten me seriously injured or the guy that kept trying to get in my room. Fortunately the very flimsy ancient door lock held. Thank God.
The emotional side:
So, an epilogue, huh? I feel stifled. Unwilling to write one because all my thoughts are a jumble. I don't know if I could adequately put into writing my thoughts and feelings as they won't coalesce out of the murky fog they are loping in to come out and be defined into proper feelings with actual descriptive words.
Maybe it will take a long time for everything I am feeling to be clearly, easily identified. I don't know. Some thoughts are coming into focus so delicately that I feel if I try to put it into words the fragile beginnings of clarifying will shatter.
The only thing I will say, at this point in time, is I want to travel again! Spain, Turkey, Asia... there is so much more to see. I have only scratched the surface!
Soon, soon, first I need to pay of my debt, focus on my future, and build this graphic design business to a sustainable income thereby doing, for once in my life, a job that I actually like.
I will also say this...
Although this endeavor did not pan out like I had hoped, 2 months vs. 8 months, so on and so forth, I still feel absolutely, unequivocally, that it was worth the cost and the price I paid was not in vain. It has become a living learning tool for my future travels and as I move forward onto other things.
If you want to travel, don't wait, JUST DO IT! Now is the time!
3 MONTH ADDENDUM:
It has been 3 months since I have been back in America. There are things I didn't write in this journal. It was the San Francisco tale end of the journey that got skipped. The journal entry that never got written. I was to busy living life to describe it. As it stands now all you readers out there only get this capper:
What a totally awesome, self-accepting experience my one week conference in San Mateo was. I was even on TV and in a modeling show. I am gratified to have enjoyed such an eye opening life lesson. I hope I will remember that week above all for the rest of my life. I worry that these wonderful feelings, memories, and experiences won't stay with me. That they will drift away like smoke on the wind after the years go by, because I didn't journal this final week as I lived it. I felt just like Cinderella; joyously soaking up every moment and therefore to busy to write about my one astounding week in San Francisco.
7 MONTH ADDENDUM:
I write this sitting at my new home in Seattle Washington. I moved down in October. In one year or so I will be attending graphic design school here. I now have a wonderful job, which pays more than I ever made before and a lovely studio apartment in downtown Seattle. Life has turned in a completely different direction for me. I still have my weight though. One of my friends sent me a DVD of all the pictures she took on the Rick Steves portion of the trip with me.
I sat there looking over the pictures saying to Jeff "Look I remember that! My gosh, I sure did a lot this year!" As I looked over those pictures with fondness, a sense of astonishment, and a beaming smile, I realized just how much has happened to me this past year. I quit my job, got into debt up to my eyeballs, went traipsing across Europe by bicycle and foot, moved to Seattle from Alaska and am in the process of changing careers from bookkeeping to graphic design, while having the memories of a lifetime from a once in a life trip. My God, what a year! :)
Did you know my new job allows me five weeks off a year? Mmm... :)
8 Month Addendum:
If it is one thing I learned with my Europe trip is that too much "weighting" and delaying can shrivel up dreams and opportunities. Can kill it flat. What are you waiting for? What ever it is move past that and don't let it become an obstacle. I realized it and worked toward creating my own circumstances to fulfill this dream. If I kept waiting to loose weight to go on my bike trip I would have never made it off the couch. If I kept waiting for my boyfriend to go with me I would never have experienced all that I have. I would still be laying on the couch waiting for life to come to me instead of me coming to life. Realize what you are waiting for and don't let it become an obstacle.
ONE YEAR ADDENDUM:
The journey continues...
Oh my god, the most amazing experiences have happened to me since I moved to Seattle...
I am person much changed from the girl that left Anchorage for Amsterdam a year ago. At least on the inside. And just think, if I hadn't left for Amsterdam and did what I did, I would have never had the courage to move to Seattle all on my own, not knowing a soul, with nary a family member in sight. This trip made it possible for me to move my life forward in a completely different direction than before giving me a chance to get out of the 10 year rut I was in.
Hugs & Kisses to everyone! Take care! :)